Anise and Fated Release

 

“Was it sad?” The lone girl said to me, her hair had become a dusty brown in the few years we’d been apart. Her eyes seemed disconnected from the question she’d asked me and their new ashen light was accented by her lips that had become fuller. She was beautiful, like an angel, solemn in her light and unfortunate in her existence.

 

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, a million thoughts raced through my mind, “sad… isn’t the right word… I… we…” I looked away from her. I could see in her eyes that there wasn’t a hint of regret.

 

So what am I here for?

 

“You look well,” she lied.

 

How could I acknowledge that? Do I accept that I’m such a loser that she has to make me feel better with petty trivialities. I wanted to avoid her gaze, I wanted to be anyone else in that moment, but if I look around all that surrounds us are bodies, torn, scattered, bloody, just remains, fragments of life, a symbol, an effect of our decisions.

 

When did I change from slave XIX to the man known as Xix? I wonder if its possible to trace this future back to that moment, that single golden memory that we shared, a simple girl and boy brought together by a town known by noone but the fig trees and wind. The vagabond and village lass, Is it my fault that she was polluted by the childish dream of saving the world from itself, saving people from people, living in a world where no one hurt one another? If my death just an hour, a day, a battlefield before that could have saved this girl then I would gladly forfeit myself.

 

“Its too late,” her words came as a hammer to my fragile self, sweet as scent of the air in the village so far lost in the past, her words held a certain grasp on my heart. “I’ve already stained my hands in the blood of destruction, in the fires of creation.” She could see through my thoughts, she knew of my regrets and rejected them.Only she had the right to do that I suppose, she gave this worthless me the will and reason to live after it had abandoned me, after all she was my goddess, but in the end… even she left me.